ABC養成記的初衷
作為移民家長，你不必獨自面對在北美養育ABC孩子的挑戰：經由了解美國各地ABC的成長案例，你可以培養出更有自信的孩子
這是一個典型的移民家庭故事，令人心碎但也許很多人都能感同身受：
Wendy和Kevin是兩位認真的移民家長，他們盡最大努力確保自己的孩子能進入頂尖大學。他們讓孩子參加運動和鋼琴課，並確保他們在數學和科學方面表現出色。他們在週末把孩子送到中文學校。除了偶爾抱怨不想帶“Asian lunch”去學校外，孩子們看起來很開心，一切似乎都很上軌道。
Wendy和Kevin還沒有意識到這個小裂痕已經代表著在孩子内心的文化和身份衝突，最終會造成親子之間的隔閡。
當孩子們成為青少年時，一切都不一樣了。Wendy和Kevin感覺到孩子漸漸變得越疏遠了。有一天，他們傷心地意識到他們似乎已經不認識自己的孩子了。孩子們放棄了年少時報名的所有課外活動，大部分時間都待在房間裡打電動。他們怪父母是“Asian parent”，拒絕分享有關社交和學校生活的任何事情。他們在家裡不再說中文，反而盡力融入Wendy和Kevin不了解的主流美國文化。
Wendy和Kevin感到震驚、困惑和心碎。
根據我們的經驗，有一些親子關係在多年後會慢慢癒合及恢復。但有些家庭的關係則變得越來越疏遠。
我們的父母努力確保我們的學業和財務前途，但往往難以理解我們的文化和社會環境。雖然他們呵護並且抱著最好的意圖，但他們往往在這個新環境中不知道孩子們真正需要什麼，直到為時已晚。
作為ABC孩子，當年的我們年紀太小，或許無法理解父母的善意。我們很難表達複雜文化和身份衝突對我們自我價值、自信和家庭關係的影響。有時候，當我們在學校接受到的觀念和父母在家裏教育我們的觀念不一致，就會產生很多壓力和煩惱。例如，我們不知道如何向父母解釋我們被灌輸的美國價值觀（pursue happiness, follow your passion, speak up）和亞洲觀念（pursue success, follow the safe path, respect authority）是互相矛盾的。
現在，作爲第二代移民的ABC，我們希望透過分享我們的親身經歷，讓家長不用孤單面對未能預見的難題，共同為下一代奠定更美好的未來。
我們希望通過幫助家長了解以下問題，讓他們培養出更自信的孩子，並建立更好的親子關係：
美國文化和亞洲文化之間的關鍵差異
這些差異對ABC孩子的影響以及他們的需求——涵蓋教育、自我了解、家庭關係、社交和團體歸屬感以及身份認同感
父母可以如何幫助子女更自信的面對未來的挑戰
我們提供的內容涵蓋：
我們同齡人（20-40嵗ABC）的成長故事，為全美各地（如西岸、中西部、東岸和南部）提供多樣性的參考案例
推本溯源，從這些真實案例中反映出不同家長的養育方式所帶來的長期影響
改善父母與孩子之間溝通的技巧
我們無法確切告訴你該怎麼做，因為每個孩子都是獨一無二的個體，每個人的情況都是獨特的。但我們希望為你提供更多的參考案例和技巧，以便你可以做出更智慧的抉擇。
如果你有興趣了解如何幫助你自己的ABC孩子，請分享並關注我們。
我們期待與你一起踏上這段旅程。
As an immigrant parent, you don’t need to face challenges alone: learn from the experiences of the last generation of ABCs to raise a more confident kid
Here was the typical heartbreaking story we saw as ABCs growing up. Perhaps it sounds like yours:
Wendy and Kevin were two hard-working immigrant parents who did their very best to ensure their young kids could get into a top college. They enrolled them in sports and piano classes, and made sure they excelled in math and science. They sent their kids to Chinese school on weekends. Other than occasionally complaining that they didn’t want to bring “Asian lunch” to school, the kids seemed happy and everything seemed to be on track.
Wendy and Kevin didn’t yet realize that this small crack already represented an cultural and identity conflict that would eventually grow into an insurmountable chasm.
By the time the kids became pre-teens, everything was different. Wendy and Kevin noticed the kids were gradually changing. One day, they suddenly and sadly realized they no longer knew their kids. The kids quit all the extracurriculars they had signed up for when they were younger, and mostly stayed in their rooms and played video games. They yelled at their parents for being “Asian parents” and refused to share anything about their social and school lives. They stopped speaking Chinese at home, and tried their best to assimilate into white culture instead.
Wendy and Kevin were shocked, confused, and heartbroken.
In our experience as ABCs, some of these parent-child relationships recovered slowly over the years. Others were never the same again.
As immigrants, our parents worked hard to ensure our academic and financial futures, but often struggled to understand our cultural and social environment. While they had the best intentions, they often didn’t know what their kids truly needed in this new world until it was too late.
As kids, we were too young to be able to understand the complicated culture and identity conflicts that were impacting our self-worth, confidence, and our closeness to family. We didn’t know how to explain the stress and anger of being expected to ‘pursue happiness,’ ‘follow your passion,’ and ‘speak up’ by American society while being made to ‘pursue success,’ ‘follow the crowd,’ and ‘respect authority’ by our parents.
Now, as fully grown ABCs, we hope to share our personal experiences with the next generation. We hope that they can avoid the pains we experienced, and fully step into the gifts of biculturalism.
We hope to help parents raise more confident kids and build stronger parent-child relationships by helping them consider:
Key differences between American and Asian culture
The impact of these differences on ABC children and what they need - across education, self-awareness, family relationships, social and community belonging, and identity in the world
What parents can tactically do to address these needs
What we provide:
Our (and our friends’) perspectives and stories for diverse points of reference across the US (e.g., West Coast vs. Midwest vs. East Coast vs. South)
Trends we have observed in these stories to help you understand patterns and outcomes
Frameworks to help you understand cultural differences and their impact on families
Techniques to improve communication between parents and kids
We can never tell you exactly what to do, because every child is different, and every situation is unique. But we hope to provide more perspectives and techniques to you, so that you can make more informed decisions about how you want to parent.
If you are interested in building a better future for our community and learning what you can do to help your ABC kids - please share and follow.
We look forward to taking this journey with you.
